::Have.Faith::

during my pkn stint, i had a person whom i was quite close to. She was brought up by a Buddhist mother and a Christian father- if i still remember this correctly.
I haven't stayed in touch with her for a long time now, but during that time, she didn't quite believe in religion and god. She did practiced Buddhism and then she did went to church until she realised that she was doing it only because her parents are doing it and for her that was pointless.
and on that particular note, i agreed with her. The doing it without really believing in it thing, i mean.

I guess there's a point in everyone's life where some soul searching about your pre-determined faith is done.that was hers.

anyway, she once asked me, why do you believe in god?why the need for religion?

well, i might not be the best person to answer this sort of question then (and,even now!) and i knew (and know) that i'm a pretty flawed Muslim. I have defects, here and there and everywhere.
But by then, i didn't perform my five times a day prayer because my mom told me so, or because i'm a malay therefore i have to solat or else people around me will talk about it. To some extent, I don't think i perform my five times a day prayer because of the kalau tak masuk neraka thought that the elders have ingrained into my brain since i was little. By then, i've started to perfom it because i really do believe that there's something intangible that i can achieve from it-like a peace of mind.though to explain it would be very complex. But point is, i've stopped performing my five times a day prayers with that immense dread that comes form not doing things from the heart.
And by then i think, i was beginning to really practice my faith because i really do believe in it, rather than because it is the religion of my grandmother and my mother and my father and the malay population on the whole.

So i didn't try to explain to her about my religion, because god knows my knowledge was shallow enough and nanti tiba-tiba ada sky kingdom baru. no way.
Instead, i told her why I believe in my god and why I steadfastly believe in the need for religion at all.
we talked about about why I prayed.why i don't wear tudung like everyone else (and no, i didn't try to defend myself), why i read the quran every friday and thursday night (yes, i was much baik then.).why, despite my open-mindedness and modern outlook do i still believe in religion and god.
Basically everyone have reasons for doing something right? I told her mine.

and one thing that i remember telling her was;

when you believe in god, or something greater than you. It gives you comfort in knowing that He knows more than you do. and that whatever happens, it is always for a reason and for the best.whether you can phantom it or not, or whether the reason is revealed to you later, rather than sooner.

it's something to fall back on when there seems to be nothing else to fall on.

(ok fine la, ayat dalam blog mesti la lagi power dari the words that i actually used to say to her.but the gist is basically the same. =p)

and why am i suddenly recalling this one particular thing?
because time like this reminds me, how easy it would be for me to give up and go insane altogether, if i don't have faith like i do now.